Moonlight Mile

I really don't know why I stay up far too late, doing things that aren't even necessary in the daytime. It's somewhat mysoginistic. I have a bitch of a headache right now, and I've been exhausted for most of the day. I nearly fell asleep in one class today and would've taken a nap during one of my breaks, but was afraid I'd oversleep like I did this morning. But it is now 1:56 a.m., and I am still awake. I am listening to music on YouTube because I am too exhausted to get up and get my iPod out of my purse, which is a grand total of two feet away.

I would like nothing better than to be unconscious for the next eight hours, which is about how long I will be able to sleep, but I cannot bring myself to stand up, walk down the hall, remove my contacts, brush my teeth, wash my face, and climb into my bed, despite how appealing that plan sounds to my aching muscles and slightly unfocused eyes.

I think some of it has to do with my thought process at 1:59 in the morning. For some reason, I turn existentialist and philosopher in the wee hours of the morning. I can follow very long trains of thought better then and pretty much every epiphany I've ever had (not that there have been a lot) occured sometime between 1:00 and 3:00 in the morning. If I'm writing a paper, I get more done then than I do at any other time. I'm more focused and more easily distracted then than I am at any other time and I get more pissed off and more elated then than I do any other time. And I don't know why.

But I can't stop listening to The Rolling Stones and Placebo and I think I can feel every single heartbeat in the dorm. I'm lonely and, at the same time, completely complete unto myself. I miss something or someone I wouldn't recognize if I saw it dancing in the street. I love humanity more than I can bring myself to when I'm conscious enough to recognize its actions and I've never used drugs, have no idea what they feel like, but if this is anything like it then I think I'll pass. Insomnia's cheaper.

Fun fact: Apparently going without sleep for about 36 hours or so is equivalent to having a blood alcohol content of .1 percent. Having experienced 36 hours of sleeplessness but not having been drunk, I cannot confirm this. However, I don't recommend the sleeplessness.

I am now almost falling asleep on the keyboard and am exerting my will on my arms and legs. Bonne nuit, mes amis. Je veux dormir.